can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
