hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
