I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize