I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
