Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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