I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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