so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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