Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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