I want to walk on stilts...naked
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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