I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
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It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
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State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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