It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
