Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
