Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
