so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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