cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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