Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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