Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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