you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
