my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
