1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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