I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
