i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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