oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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