We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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