I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
