I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
