just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize