Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
