i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
