saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Randomize
