I didn't shave. On purpose
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
