smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
