i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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