I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
