I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
