When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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