Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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