Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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