Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
40s are totally the cure
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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