so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
