That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
