Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.