I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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