question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.