It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015