Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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