Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
