Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
