A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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