Apparently you make a good broom.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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