i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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