You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
