No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
