We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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