Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
