she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
