The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
