Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
