yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
