My nipple is on Facebook.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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