Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
