After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
