No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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