I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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