sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
