I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
