that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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