I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
