I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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