I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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