I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
