How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Sober January is a disaster.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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