ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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