we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
