we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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